This is maybe the most pretentious line uttered by Jess Mariano, well, ever. And I love it because I still love Jess, even now, 18 years later. I also love it because I am “much.” Too loud, too fat, too weird. I have too many books and way too much art and I LOVE TOO MUCH and cry too much and am way to depressed and anxious and weird. Yes, Jess was referring to his constant re-reading of Howl, but Jess also read and re-read and listened repeatedly to the same music and frequented the same parks. Jess was also a creature of habit, of obsession, and in a show full of obsession I somehow most related to his brand. I’m Autistic and I have my things—my obsessions. There is Gilmore Girls and fashion and stationery and cake. This list once included Harry Potter. There are notebooks and pens and sometimes there is baking and there is holiday shopping and Halloween. The reason I am a good fit for academia (at least at this level) is because obsession is rewarded. Finding one thing (or a couple, a few) that you love and obsess over and won’t get sick of helps inordinately. My partner knows something about every single thing on earth, while I know every single thing about a few things. Gilmore Girls included. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love a whole lot of stuff, of media, of objects, places and scents and listening to the same track over and over. So that’s what this newsletter will be. An accounting of my too much, my stuff, my favorites, my loves. The TV I’ve binged, the songs I played 40 times in a row, the Gilmore Girls episode I most recently watched, the books I’ve read. Also the objects I covet, from skincare to fine art to shoes that I consider fine art.
After years of being self conscious, of wishing I was more normal, of having a smattering of interests I’ve decided to go with it. To maybe be proud of it?
I am much.