Tip 30 percent, unless it will overdraw your account. Then tip 20. Write love letters to your friends (or e-mails, discord messages and unhinged instagram comments expressing your love). Send yourself flowers, add them to every grocery order, but make sure they won’t kill the cat. Let the poorest person choose how to split the bill. Thank you notes are nice, but thank you texts or calls or post it notes written 2 years later are also fine. Try not to say fuck in front of other people’s children. Don’t return Kindle books unless you accidentally buy the book of a fascist Terf or something. Respect everyone’s pronouns. If you are aware of an elders pronouns, say sir and ma’m. Give up your seat for anyone older than you. Add two accessories before leaving the house. Always have enough throw blankets for all friends and visitors. Cancel plans whenever you want (spoonie, here). Ghosting is fine. So is lying for the greater good. Otherwise, be honest always. Keep a list of things your friends mention they love or want or adore and surprise them with it or save it for occasions. Cheap sparkling wine goes with all occasions. Don’t play board games if you hate them. Your dog does not belong everywhere and honestly they probably don’t want to go to fucking brunch, girlie. Don’t buy foreclosed housing. Always wear an outfit you wouldn’t mind your ghost haunting in for eternity. Buy nice stationery. If you come early to a party, you are helping prep or doing hair. Cry if you want to. Always. Print out pictures. Collage the walls. Buy more blankets. Put Velveeta in your mac and cheese or its just yellow pasta.
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I keep quarters in my pockets if ever the River Styx takes me early, but my outfits...my outfits definitely need working on 😂